Two years in sobriety and all it took was no work for three days and I am back to using. Took my last dollar and got a cup of coffee that I loaded up with sugar. That park bench is calling my name. So many smiling faces and everyone is in such a hurry to get to work. Lucky them. Two girls walk by laughing. Are they laughing at me? The coffee is starting to ease the brokenness that I feel in my mind. I guess I should call my sponsor. Why is this man coming up on me with a basket of flowers?
“Good Morning! Are you a friend of Bill? No need to answer. I can smell your cologne from here. I guess from your mood that you have blown your sobriety. No need to talk but I have been right where you are, feeling the weight of my failure and wanting to just give up knowing that I will never be as good or as noble or as holy as I wanted to be.”
His genuine concern started to draw me in so I figured that I would open up a bit at least until my coffee cooled. “Yes I am a friend of Bill and a bad stretch at the car wash clipped me up.”
The Flower Man smiled and began sharing:
“I have been exactly where you are and these flowers have made a difference for me. I know that I have many more yesterdays than tomorrows but I am determined to pass out a million flowers before I pass on. By my best recollection, I will probably never come close with me handing out whatever Mack slips me from the floral wholesaler but by having such a large goal it keeps me focused in a way.
My monthly check covers my bills so in my mind I am rich but idle time was my enemy. I didn't have a sense of purpose with nobody to see, nowhere to go and nothing to do. I got depressed real good.
My Million Flower Goal is one that I will never reach but it does give me a reason to get up in the morning and start every day. It is a work that I will never complete but I am in my opinion far better for the effort.
You might say that I plan my days by that which is still best and greatest within me knowing that I will never actually reach that ideal in my lifetime. I have found that by just trying to reach that goal brings out the best in me. That's my religion for now; it is my way of thanking my creator for giving me another day in sobriety.
I said all that to say, you have just made it through another ten minutes of sobriety; why don’t you pass out some flowers and go for twenty?”